Of Kristoph Gavin and Waterslides
by Some Call Me Tim
Summary: Based on a prompt from the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme. One fateful day, Phoenix requests that Kristoph take Trucy to the waterpark for the afternoon, and Kristoph reluctantly agrees. Hilarity ensues.


Upon paying the young man at the booth for two tickets, Kristoph took a moment to reflect on the events of his day up to that point. When Wright had burst into his office that morning, pleading with him for some outrageous favor, he had merely assumed the man was crazy—or, equally likely, drunk. It didn't take long to realize quite how serious Phoenix Wright was.

Kristoph unconsciously rubbed a hand across his face and adjusted his glasses. One ill-timed and terribly embarrassing nosebleed later, the eloquent lawyer was forced to concede to his friend's wishes. He shuddered at the recollection. How Wright had trapped him in so vulnerable a situation so quickly, Kristoph would never know; however, he knew now that he had severely underestimated the man's perseverance, and perhaps the amount of time Phoenix Wright had to waste.

And so, here stood our dignified defense attorney, accompanying a teenage magician to the water park.

Oh, the humanity.

The two had entered the park and were heading toward the changing rooms when young Miss Trucy finally worked up the courage to speak. "Um, thank you very much for bringing me here, Mr. Gavin…"

He shook his head and gave her a tight smile. "Please don't mention it, Miss Wright. I could hardly refuse." She nodded her head and smiled awkwardly before hurrying off to change. He sighed heavily before doing the same.

…

Words could not describe Trucy's level of discomfort for the next several hours. Walking around a water park with a half-naked lawyer is not an experience most girls could relate to, and it certainly wasn't one worth envying.

"Ah, Mr. Gavin," she began as they were waiting in the first line, "I know this probably isn't how you planned on spending your day, but…you could try to have fun. Loosen up a bit?" Trucy stared at her feet to avoid looking him in the eye.

Kristoph said nothing, but considered this. Obviously, this wasn't an ideal place for him to be, but he rarely had time to let loose. Why not take advantage of his situation? Yes, he thought eagerly, why not enjoy himself in this place, where he would be virtually anonymous? Hell, he could go positively wild and no one could say a thing! With that, he grabbed hold of Trucy's wrist, making the girl gasp.

"Trucy," he muttered, "I dare say you're absolutely right." He then whisked her off, past the long line of waiting patrons, straight to the top of the first slide.

…

Standing there so far above the Earth, practically touching the clouds, was unlike anything Kristoph had ever experienced. Instinctively, he outstretched his arms and closed his eyes, fully absorbing his surroundings. The wind rushed past him, blowing his hair all around his head as though it were a shimmering golden crown. He was almighty—he was _the _Almighty. He bowed down his mighty head and observed his kingdom from his throne in the heavens. He watched with glee as his subjects splashed about below him, as feelings of power and pride swelled in his chest.

Here, he was God.

A roaring sound and the feeling of several pairs of hands pushing against his back woke Kristoph from his reverie. He looked down to see an ominous, gaping mouth making its way toward him. Suddenly he felt his feet surrounded by a cool, rushing stream of water and realized that he was entering the mouth of the beast. Fight though he did, Kristoph could not escape the force guiding him, and soon found himself prepared to slide down the beast's gullet and in to oblivion.

…

"Come on buddy, you're holdin' up the line! Move it, already!"

Trucy watched in shock and horror as several waterpark employees struggled to push her dazed and dreaming chaperone down the slide while he fought them off with all his might. "You fools! You would betray me, your king?" Kristoph bellowed. Finally, the staff members managed to force Kristoph into a sitting position at the mouth of the slide and prepared to send him flying down in to the pool below.

"You know not the mistake you make, plebians!" Kristoph shouted. "Hell hath no fury like the wrath of your ruler! For I am Kristoph—" At this point the employees took advantage of his distraction and succeeded in sending him down the slide, but his booming voice echoed behind him.

"—The Magnificeeeeeeeeeent!"

"Mr. Gavin! I'll meet you at the bottom of the slide, just stay there!" Trucy cried out after him, and excused herself as she moved past several people and threw herself down the slide after the crazed attorney.

…

_Alive, _he thought when he splashed in to the pool. _They fed me to the monster, and yet I am alive! _As he had swirled through the hard, damp intestines of the beast, he had prepared himself for death by digestion—but he had survived the attempt on his life and now found himself in an open pool of water. He laughed with sick delight. He was invincible—immortal!—and would take back his rightful place as king among the clouds.

…

The moment Trucy exited the slide, she saw Mr. Gavin, splashing about in the pool and cackling like a madman. She swam over and touched his wrist. "Mr. Gavin..?" she said, and instantly he turned and smiled at her with an intensity that bordered on ferocious.

"Ah, my loyal Miss Wright! You followed your king through the belly of the beast, did you? Come now! The beast is dead; we shall reclaim my rightful kingdom!" Kristoph cried as he guided the bemused Trucy out of the pool and toward the stairs to the slide. Trucy was used to eccentric people; she'd spent her whole life around them and was considered quite eccentric herself—but this was unprecedented. She worried that the attorney had somehow knocked a figurative screw loose. Perhaps the sun was getting to him?

She tried to reason with him once more. "M-Mr. Gavin, maybe you want to try a different slide, er, 'kingdom'? This is a big park after all, and there are tons…" she stopped when she saw his blank expression.

"More…kingdoms?" Kristoph whispered. Surely, he could not be satisfied while there were still worlds to conquer! No, he and Miss Wright would have to claim every other throne before returning to his own. He jumped on a nearby bench and thrust one hand to the heavens.

"Miss Wright! Together, you and I shall slay these beasts and seize their kingdoms in the name of Kristoph…" He stepped off the bench and sprinted in the direction of the next slide.

"…The Magnificeeeeeeeeeent!"

Sighing heavily, Trucy hurried after him.

…

"What strange creature is this, Lady Trucy?" Trucy noted that she had been promoted in rank. She had since given up trying to snap the deranged attorney back into reality, and so she answered him in his own language.

"This is…a racing back beast, Your Majesty! You must lie on these magical racing mats and slide down on your stomach, headfirst, in order to slay it!" They were receiving odd looks, but Trucy didn't care. She was starting to enjoy herself.

When the lifeguard blew his whistle, the mighty duo took off down the slide on their mats, Kristoph shouting a battle cry in German as they went. He reached the bottom first.

Trucy leapt up and congratulated him. "You won, Your Majesty! Your descendants will sing of this day!" she squealed.

"Yes, Lady Trucy, the battle is won, but not the war. We must journey on, for more wretched beasts await our slaying!" And with that, he clutched her hand and they ran to the next slide together.

…

The rest of the day carried on in this manner, until the pair had conquered every slide the water park had to offer. At last, it was time for Kristoph Gavin to regain his throne and survey his expanded kingdom. He and Lady Trucy ascended the staircase once more—but this time, it was the staircase leading to destiny.

"Hello again, foolish and disloyal subjects!" he shouted as he reached the top, and the waterpark employees who had sent him down the slide that morning spun around and gasped. "You thought you had defeated your divine ruler? Peh! Your actions merely gave me the opportunity to become stronger!" He had acquired a beach towel since his last appearance, which he had tied around his neck and fashioned into a king's robe, and he welded a large yellow swim noodle as a sword. Threateningly, he approached the employees with his weapon.

"I have returned to my true kingdom, and now you traitors shall be dispatched by my own hand!" he thundered, and lunged at the first terrified-looking young man.

…

Trucy shivered and wrapped her towel around her more tightly. "Honestly officer, I don't think he meant any harm. Mr. Gavin was just trying to enjoy himself and got carried away! He's very theatrical, you know."

"Miss, your guardian assaulted and nearly sent a minor over the edge of that water ride. I'd be surprised if the family doesn't push charges." The police officer then gestured to a 16-year old employee, trembling and quietly sobbing on a bench nearby.

"Oh, he's not my guardian, actually—" she said, but she stopped when she heard a panicked voice call her name. She turned to see her real guardian pushing through a crowd of people and running toward her.

"Trucy! Trucy, are you alright?" Phoenix enveloped his daughter in his arms and held her tight. "I never should have asked Gavin to bring you here; I should have brought you myself! What did Kristoph do?"

"Oh Daddy," she cried, "It was so much fun! Well, until Mr. Gavin nearly hurt someone…but we went on every single slide, and Mr. Gavin was very nice to me! He called me Lady Trucy and everything!"

Phoenix gave her a confused look. "Well, that's…nice. Did you wear sunscreen?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Well, good." Phoenix was still dumbfounded and wasn't sure what else to ask.

Suddenly, they heard a commotion and saw Kristoph being escorted—or rather dragged—out of the waterpark by several police officers.

"Unhand me! Return me to my throne!" Kristoph shouted, and an officer responded by cuffing the struggling man's hands behind his back.

"Ha! No bounds can hold me against my will. For I am Kristoph…" he said while the officers forced him in to the police car.

"…The Magnificeeeeeeeeeent!"

Phoenix watched in awe as his friend was taken away, still ranting madly. "…Wow. I think he's lost it. On second thought, what did _you _do to _him, _Trucy?" he nudged his daughter jokingly and Trucy rolled her eyes.

"I think Mr. Gavin works too hard, Daddy. Maybe we should invite him out sometimes to help him relax."

"Yeah, maybe so." Phoenix replied. They were silent for a while. Then, Trucy spoke: "Is he gonna be okay, Daddy? I mean, he did almost throw a person off a waterslide."

Phoenix chuckled and kissed Trucy on the forehead. "I think he'll be okay. He knows some very good lawyers, after all."

~TWO YEARS LATER~

"And that, dear brother, is why I cannot attend your musical performance at the Gatewater Land Water Park." Kristoph Gavin said, adjusting his glasses.

"I…see," Klavier replied. He leaned back in his chair. "So, my bro has a lifetime ban at an amusement park. This is…unexpected." It took all of his strength not to fall out of his chair, giggling.

Kristoph stood and walked to his office window, staring down at the street below. "I know what you're thinking, Klavier, but I beg you do not mock me. After all…they're quite magical places, when given the chance," he said wistfully. "One feels as though he is on top of the world."

Klavier stood and clapped his brother on the shoulder. "You really need a hobby, _bruder_. Maybe skiing?" Kristoph scoffed at this and his brother hurried out of the office, for he could no longer contain his laughter.

Kristoph, thankful for the privacy, opened his desk door and rummaged through it desperately. Finally, he found his coveted item and clutched it against his cheek, inhaling deeply.

"One day," he whispered to the faded waterpark admission bracelet in his hand, his voice soft as velvet. "One day…I shall return to you, somehow. For I am Kristoph…" He placed a tender kiss on his beloved bracelet.

"…The Magnificent."

**Note: If you enjoyed that and want more of Some Call Me Tim's cracktastic stories, visit her profile for her series of drabbles titled "Prison Food". I just felt that this one deserved—nay, needed—to stand alone. **


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